Day 3: A little thing about anxiety.

What's up.

So, it's has being a while since I come here to write something hã.

Well, I got a lot of things happening right now in my life, things are not really great when it comes to my mental health these days, but even though, I decided to talk here with myself, considering that there is no one really reading this kkks.

Since today is a Wednesday, I'll write in English.

I was watching a series on Netflix about the human mind, and there was one episode about anxiety that got my attention. I've never read or made a research about the subject and that's why I was so amazing while seeing that, the way they explain how or body works and how/why anxiety exists, not only in humans but in animals, in general, it was great and made me understand a lot of things that are happening with me and my body in the last year.

I cannot reproduce their explanation here, cause my English is not that good and also because I don't remember too much if it, but in a few words I can say that the way I understand was this: anxiety is a body condition inflicted in us by or own body and it comes from or primitive fear of change, to an animal, can be per example the fear of being killed by a predator, but to us humans is a little different, a lot of things can start this condition called anxiety, like fear of losing control, fear of being alone, fear of the future and really A LOT  os stuff man, basically everything of daily routine.

The condition happens so or body can focus on just one thing, to the animals this thing can be staying alive, by fighting or by flighting the threat they are facing at the moment, I can't explain to technical, but it's like their body reduce the focus in some activities and focus on those who are essential to their survive. is different to us humans, cause we have a different way to see and feel the world around us, we do not runway or fight the daily "threats" we face, actually, we need to deal with them, that is why anxiety is so fucking bad, cause make or body lose all the focus we have, make things all fuzzy, we lost control and everything becomes difficult cause suddenly we don have the mental control to deal with it's happening.

Anyway, the point is: anxiety is not cool and the worst part is, to any of us it can be triggered by a different thing, like to me sometimes is the fear of being lost without friends, like when I'm not speaking with them for any reason, or like when discover something that changes the whole way that I was planing things in my head, sometimes can be little inoffensive things or really serius stuff of your life it doesn't matter, cause your body is the one who will determine if will or not cause you anxiety, and in what scale.

The last year has been difficult to me, for numerous reasons, some are my fault some are not and some are nobody's fault, I feel like it's becoming worst in the last months, the whole anxiety stuff, more and more days I found myself in situations were I cannot control my emotions and it's terrible, feel that sensation of the world closing on you, like your heart was being pressed by God knows what, and that lack of air in your chest, weel, you guys know what I'm talking about. Since I was a little kid, it's was never easy to me to communicate with other people about things I was feeling, I was always a very closed person, in part because I was super shy and also because I just do not know how to do it, to speak that kind of thing, don't get me wrong, I really like to talk with people and make conversation with no stop, is just in this specific matter that I'm not good, never have being. Even today that some things have changed in my life, I have friends with whom I can at some level open myself, still is really hard to speak about those things that I'm feeling, and as it becomes worse, also becomes more difficult to talk about. I guess this is it, I don't know what to do or who to do, cause things are reallyyyy messed up in my head right now and I don't know what will become of me.

I don't know more what I'm doing here kkks, the initial idea just said three paragraphs about things I learn about anxiety, and now I'm opening myself to invisible persons here in my computer kkks oh life, right.

In any case, this is not some cry for help, is just me talking with my computer and exercising my English. I've done stupid stuff to the only persons I could really go to talk about it.

I think is best I stop here, so with no more to say, now I go.

Sincerely, yours first and only, Mr. Oak.